So me

It’s raining but I can see the sun that is to come
Its cold but I feel warm inside and out
It’s a different day when the newness of life
Is refreshed in our eyes despite any doubt
And no one can turn a face
to the burst of joy that radiates
Clearly sincerely I am a being living
This life is too precious to let it pass by
Catch it Embrace it Love it. Don’t let it go
Because it is too sweet and charming to do so
My body can not contain the happiness I feel
I smile uncontrollably. My eyes tear. The giddiness is real
For what has been, is and to come
It all fits together like a beat on a drum
What a beautiful painting it is turning out to be
And here I once thought it was all just catastrophe
Virtues are the frame that keeps it all together
So I beg of you now don’t believe pain lasts forever
Every composition needs a shadow to make it real
But there is also the silver lining
The shine coming from the window sill
The ups and downs and even sideways too
It all is in accord with the fairytale of ever
So take what you have and work it until it’s through
Just please do not let me hear you utter the word ‘never’
When there is something so new waiting to shine inside of you.

Potentially yours

Latent love is patient love
Never rushed always hushed
So soft to the touch
A love worth waiting for
Cannot be corrupted
Cannot be interrupted
It has yet to bloom the color
that is bounded up inside
Brimming with anticipation
Tearing at the seems
A love so full and yet so far
From the reality it is owed
The measure of this love does not exist
Impossible to contain
Impossible to resist
Once let loose from its safe keeping
No eternal force on earth
Can stop it from being
So pay your dues
And be patient
For this blue beauty to become
A raging red flame;
Forever your precious passion

Insanity Calamity

When my mind moves faster
Than the speed of light
I lose all control
And am paralyzed

I cannot tell the difference
Between wrong and right
With calmness, stillness
And the distress in disguise

I carry on day to day
As if all was smooth and benign

The cyclone, tsunami twister
I sustain in my brain
Is a boiling pot
Ready to burst

Any minute any day
I can not really say
It will all spill over
What will come about?

As If

You speak of me
Physically
As if I were nothing else
I can not say how I feel about that
because I don't know myself

All I know is that
I like you and
I want to be around you
so maybe if I close my eyes
You'll disappear from my mind
because I'd rather you not be there anymore

Eerily Eerily you look at me
from the corner of your eye
as if to say something
you couldn't even dare say
but you are the fool because
I could read your glare
and understand it all

The twinkle twinkle in your eye
how I wonder if at all
you will come to realize
what you are saying and
take back the words that
have swallowed you whole.

Thinking Out Loud

Softness softness all around
never have I found
such a place as the one in which
I am standing now.

Trickling in
slowly but surely
is the peace
that I seek

Whichever way you turn
You will see it
as it is
in its nature

creatures creatures
sneak in when I turn my back
slithery they slide inside
someone signals the attack

my eyes yearn to see
they are weak
but I know
what I must do

walk forward
and do not stop
or else
I can not say what will occur

generations abound
and yet you are here
gathering what is necessary
for the coming events

is there anything left
but this
never ending bliss
in the softness

1/31 It Was So Dumb

Why do I even write these words?
If I will never take them to heart
Useless letters put together
To form a body of nothing
In them I find a solace
Unlike any other I have known
As a matter of fact
I am there and then, right here and now
From me to you or rather from me to me

In my solace I write empty words
They will be abandoned and humiliated
Because they have no legs
So so so so what now?
What is there left to say
Other than this already

Scrivener Bartleby, made me see
In the mist there exists
Some fragment of a frame
To play and to plunder

An ocean of LOL, G2G, OMG, MYOB
It kind of makes you wonder
But I would prefer not to

BRB

Today is Wednesday.

Today Epi wrote
Five haikus in five minutes
Because she was bored.

There are times when time
Seems to stand statue-like still
Would it be a crime?

New York, New York is
In another place and time
From where I am now.

Japanese people
Will never let you know how
They feel about you.

Sitting at my desk
Staring at the computer
As the world rotates.

ARE

The constant crashing
of the waves onto the shore
have always seduced me
When I close my eyes
it feels like they ARE
coming straight at me
I love the ocean
because it is so large
Seems to have all the answers

The cool wind muffles my ears
and caresses my face
like a mothers hand
would her child
I love the scent of the sea
so soft, so familiar.
The incessant waves ARE
like a pulse; my heart beat

I am in love with her.

The colors, the colors ARE
just as soft , pale when it counts
muted where it's supposed to
Never too much
Selfless; giving of its beauty
Which is boundless and eternal
Barely there blue,
grey hints under the clouds,
the sand, like skin
The water, grey green

A mix of the tall grass
and the grey shirt of the small girl
running along beside it
She's almost camouflaged
Her dad plays with
her sisters who ARE
in pink and orange
Beautiful
The colors of love?
I hope they ARE



-9-04-09

♥aquAmor♥

A steady stream
A raging river
A slow drip
Mountains it withers
The infinite depth
Of the ocean
Heavenly tears
Used for consumption
Still and constant in a pond
It leaps into the horizon beyond
It rules the earth and does not care
Sometimes in the rush of a tsunami
or a drop of drizzle on your hair
It can be a powerful and oppressive force
Or a gentle touch of a damp morning dew
Quenching your thirst it’s a relief of course
But it can suffocate and drown under the blue
Crashing waves, small ripples too
A self professed paradox
The wet feeling comes over you
As you carelessly jump off the docks
Silence becomes the surrounding
Suddenly, vision is not clear
Gravity stops existing
And you are consumed with fear
It is never solid
It is all a hazy blur
I have never doubted
My love is like water
It can make your flowers bloom
It can make your basement flood
It might just be too soon
It might be thick like blood
Never sure of what it is
Never certain of its state
Flow, drip, splash, or fizz
Forever early, forever late
Changing with the weather
The wind knows its direction
For you and me to be together
Heaven and earth must find a connection
So there won’t be a storm
And there won’t be a drought
Just know you have been forewarned
If you want to figure it out
I will cease on being so discreet
About what it is you need to do
All this liquid love really needs
Is heat to shower all over you

© copyright 2007 Esperanza Urbaez

*astericks*

When I look into the darkness I pretend I see stars
each one glitters and twinkles despite the darkness that engulfs it
they represent the souls that roam the tired earth
and I look to each shine as a flicker of hope.
An endless sea of anticipation
the patience to wait for a better day
an immovable faith that transcends all existence
and all that is at work to destroy its sake
If this star ceases to shine
it might as well have never been created
fore it will be a mass of darkness
a worthless piece of matter floating without purpose
What a waste this would be
what a pointless tragedy
If it were up to me
I would make a decree
That no matter how small
dim, distant, or powerless
a star is, it will shine
until the end of days
It will persevere and endure
constant in its nature
so that its fate would be fulfilled
and its light never concealed
As I stretch my arm to reach it in vain
I am grateful that it is higher than me
A constant hope for me to obtain
A reminder of who I am meant to be.
Just as a light tower stands firm on a foggy hill
for the sake of all vessels floating in the dark
A beacon to follow ever present ever still
amongst the treacherous path they have embarked
I too will stand against weather, time, fear and foe
I will be the constant that shines for all to see
Never waning in my resolve. Clear is my destiny
to remain until the long awaited moment when I must go.

JeOpARDi

I love a question that can not be answered.
I wonder how many people would go to my funeral.
Can my deepest desires come true if i will it so?
Each human is out for themselves.
Should I hold on to what we have in common?
Why should I?
Should I actually do what I should or want?
You are you and I am me.
We live our lives separately.
What would be the consequence if i don't
care about what happens to you?
I do not hate you. I do not love you.
If you are there or if you are not there
it is of no consequence to me.
Will i be punished if i do not care?
Who will punish me?
I love to be alone sometimes.
No country. No surname. No race. No allegiance.
The simple action of living and being human
is overwhelming and enough to contemplate.
Never mind my interaction with another
human specimen like myself.
Should I share my presence with you?
Should I share my humaness?
If i do not benefit from this connection should that matter?
I want to lay down and open my eyes.
My joy is the shade of blue in the sky.
I am uplifted by the clouds that glide by.
The effect colors have on me is exciting.
Is it my obligation to do anything more than this?
Do I owe you something for what you have done for me
even though I never asked for anything from you?
What do you want from me?
Do you dare say what it really is?
Are you conscience of it or are your desires
hidden and locked away even from you?
You may resent me for what I am saying
but i do not know if i have to care if you do or do not?
I rather not care but my emotions are so relative
that I can not be sure myself
of what I rather do, feel, say or see.
So what does all this mean?
I have not the slightest idea but
I love a question that can not be answered.

Heavenly Chords

I was born on concrete
Dust and dirt were under your feet
Abandoned baby carriages litter my street
Black slush, snow and sleet
Cracked blocks map my path
Crushed coffee cups, beer bottle caps
Are the countries on those cracked street maps
Northern to Roosevelt, you do the math
A long way when you're walking
Even longer when you're talking
The wind makes your skin feel frost bit
So you continue in silence like a candle unlit
Your head faces the moving floor
Above you sneakers on wires galore
They long to live, to be so much more
But there they hang on heavenly chords
Can you tell me what I do see?
A morning trek that seems suspect
Too many things that I detect
To be out of place and unordinary
But please tell me if I'm wrong
For I do not wish it so
A habitat where I can not grow
I can not stay for long
Beyond I see square giants
Many have become my clients
However through much defiance
One can never stop the violence
Each day I am under attack
The daily grind makes me grain
A poison which enters my brain
Defense to this I surely do lack
I am required by the powers that be
To prolong this daily journey
Despite what I feel inside
Capitalism makes me abide
To the rules and regulations
Of this glorious and rich nation
So who am I to complain?
One who conquers or someone to tame
To me the concrete grew from the ground
And natural energy will always be found
This view I hold from my birth
That all is free and forever on this earth
But you know better than I ever will
You've seen those who savagely kill
The ground once so green and pristine
Now a gridlock of steel and beams
Hold my hand and close your eyes
Imagine the world you once held inside
I will see through your vision, I beseech
A forever freedom I will one day reach

© copyright 2007 Esperanza Urbaez

Wise Words From a Friend.AMEN

"I know exactly how you're feeling. You're not crazy. It's not stupid thinking. If you only knew what goes on in my brain, but the word of God is clear "Be anxious for nothing but in everything through prayer and supplication make your requests known to the Lord" Of course I am paraphrasing.

Also how can we add another day to our lives by worry and being full of anxiety? You're just before a big puzzle and it seems scattered all over the place but this is when we need to allow God to step in and create peace. For the peace of the Lord surpasses all understanding. Many are the plans in a man's heart but the Lord directs them.

Again we're back to the word PASSION. You need to find that and you will only find it when we enter into intimacy with our Father. We're too used being in the driver's seat and we put God there and then we take him out. The steps of a good man or woman are ordered by the Lord. The Lord will give us the desires of our heart but we first need to let him know what they are. If we don't know because there are so many options that's when we need to pray for clarity, a decision making anointing for the Lord to enter into our thought life." - Poignant and powerful
© copyright 2007 Esperanza Urbaez

OMEGA

Through eyes of truth it is clear
The time is near, it is here
I hear the bridge leading
to the climactic Chorus
Can you hear it?
A sweet harmony along with tragedy
But both can no longer coincide
one cannot exist with the other
The pressure is mounting along the levee
at any moment it will burst
and out will gush the glory it held back
only the faithful heart will rise
the wicked will sink in despair
so we must all prepare
for what is to come.
Hurry hurry hurry
there are no more delays
listen to the earth
listen to its pain
groaning and moaning
and screeching for help
we are sleeping and living
in a world that is not real
when we arise
would we be surprised
at the place we are in
if we keep bathing in sin
what are we to think
of our future beyond this world
after gruesome evil has been unfurled
by our lies, greed and addiction
lust, hypocrisy, and corruption
will this become a revelation.

Apocalyptic times bring apocalyptic measures
before our eyes we see horrific treasures
we were not capable of imagining before
so what does the future have in store
for us, humankind, and our fate?
Can we change the outcome before its too late?
I'd rather be safe now than be sorry later
So I close my eyes and speak to our Creator
The only solace in this havoc of a place
The only way out; the only saving grace
I implore you to do as I do
What I am saying is true
I tell because I love you as a friend
Hopefully soon I will see you at the end.
© copyright 2007 Esperanza Urbaez

hErE and nOw

When I look outside my window
I see the world for how it could be
the suffering and devastation
is all a hazy calamity.
When I look into your eyes
Your soul and true self come through
the pain and hurt you feel
is all obstructed from view.
Your smile would return
If you could see it all through me
The cage you live in would burn
and like a bird you would be free.
Through the trrenches you have fought
and now the battle has left you bitter
Day to day you live and wonder
When situations will get better.
If you could only see with green eyes
Like the day that you were born
When the world was full of wild wonders
and nothing was ravaged or ever torn.
You would see all problems disappear
What you envision would become reality
Natural light would befall on you
and you would be filled with tranquility.
When the world has darkened all from sight
And not even a ray of light can be found
Close your eyes and create the hope
That will one day become the here and now.
© copyright 2007 Esperanza Urbaez